I don't know what I'd do without you.

Before I had kids, I was fairly focused on my career. I was a manager in IT with a promising future in the corporate world. But, when I was pregnant with Katie, after much discussion with Chris, I decided to step down in order to be able to be home with the kids. My company was generous enough to offer me a part time position doing the more technical stuff that I love to do. Almost 2 years later, I am so thankful to be in this situation. I get to be home with the kids as they grow up. I get to do continue to challenge my brain a couple days a week doing work I love. And when I'm at work, we have the incredible blessing of having one of the best families in the world (in our humble opinion) keep the kids. They love it over there. What more could I ask for?

So, I was a little surprised on Friday at a train of thought I had. My boss had called a special meeting of her direct reports to share an offer that was made to her to go to another department. The question came up of who would take her position. She wasn't certain so it was purely speculation, but she threw out the possibility that maybe one of the two guys who replaced me when I stepped down might be promoted. I will readily admit, it's been tough to watch other people do my former job over the past couple years. The Lord has really been using this time to chip away at pride issues I didn't even know I had. As of recent, I thought I had mostly overcome this issue. But, as I have learned over the years, sometimes sin can sneakily hide itself tricking you into thinking it's no longer issue. And then burst forth when you least expect it. When I heard the possibility that one of them might have been promoted, my brain immediately raced to the basic idea that "Hey, that should have been my promotion!" As soon as I became concious of the thought, I quickly tried to erase it. Especially because it shouldn't have even been there in the first place. My boss had already said prior to that comment that she wasn't going to take the position. So, nothing was changing anyway.

The fact that I had this disgusting thought it in the first place consumed a lot of the rest of my day. Why in the world would I want that promotion anyway? I love being with my kids! I love doing the work I do now. There was really no other answer other than pride.

Later that evening, we were sitting in the car at a stop light and it was surprisingly quiet in the car (that doesn't happen often with two kids). Out of no where, Micah suddenly says "Mom, I don't know what I'd without you." Wow. I couldn't help but tear up. It was exactly what I needed to hear to bring me back to reality. It took hearing those precious words from my 3 year old to remind me that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing right now. Those guys can have my job, my old desk, my promotion, whatever. I'll take being with my kids over that any day.